22 weeks

22 weeks and I just keep wanting time to move forward faster and faster.  I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me when she will come and how everything will be in the future.  Now my goal is viability which is 23 weeks here and then 25 weeks when I had Dustin and then we will just keep going from there.  I had my high risk appt today and everything still looked beautiful which was awesome.  My cervix is still wonderful at a 3.75 and Kinley Raye looked beautiful and was active and was a nice 1 pound 1 oz in weight.  So I am still able to work which is good in many ways because work helps pass time alot faster then laying in bed all day!  My blood pressure was slightly up but I will be watching it closely at home as well and we will say prayers that it was just because I was walking and doing alot today.  Everything else looked good and Kinley is getting so much more active these days to let us know her presence.  We are preparing the house for her and cleaned the carpets and curtains and redid blinds this weekend and severely cleaned house.  I guess mama is in nesting phase slightly early this time!  I think John was excited to go back to work on Monday to get away from the cleaning nazi.  I keep thinking I am going to go on bedrest and I will need to have all this done before I am nailed down and will not be able to do it then.  I forgot to remind her about my DVD today so no pictures from this visit but hopefully next visit we will get alot more.  Dustin is doing well in school and making new friends and seems to like his teacher.  I am hoping he has a wonderful year I know Kinley will make it better but I am hoping school wise he has a better time then last year as he struggled a bit but at the end of the year did very well.  We shall see...belly pictures to start soon I am just so lazy!

3d/4d sono pics

We got a 3D/4D sono on Friday John even got to come and Dustin was there aswell!  So my little family was all together as I know Delanie is always watching I am sure giving her sister pointers on how to make mommy run to the bathroom with bladder punches...LOL  Here are a few of the many pictures to share

Almost 21 weeks!

Almost 21 weeks and this time couldn't go by any faster!  Right now I am urging the days to pass until I reach 25 weeks where I will breath ONE huge sigh and then move on to the next goal and worry after that!  I still am amazed I am working and proud as well I feel like a "normal" pregnant mother and that feels good!  Other people may laugh at that but if I am working I am healthy enough to and that is a huge plus to me!  Now if the doctor's of course say bedrest now then I will totally do exactly what they say and order to a tee.  My next appointment is the 5th with the high risk and also my OBGYN is the same day.  We shall see what the next check up will bring us!  Hopefully nothing but sunshine and rainbows because I am loving this feeling.  Baby girl is doing good and moving around like crazy she is making me feel so much closer and bonding with her even more each kick and punch and wiggle.  Thru everything I have just learned to appreciate and love each day and savor the moment.  It's hard when you are panicking and freaking out every 2 seconds but I try to remind myself each day take a breath and breathe it in.  Savor the moment.  Be happy for today and today only and keep looking forward and thank god for each moment.

Perinatology check up 19+5 days!

I know I know I haven't updated in awhile and I feel like I am short changing this sweet little girl and not giving her the same treatment I have given her siblings.  It's really hard the further I get along the more anxiety and feelings seem to seep thru.  The worry and what if's sometimes try to take over but many times I just throw my hands up and say I am not in control and there is nothing I can do but leave it in god's hands and pray about a thousand times a day that Kinley Raye will be a take home baby and we will be able to watch her grow and grow.  So today's check up was AWESOME.  I am actually doing better then I think I could have ever hoped for at this stage in the game!  My cervix is a long 4.39 which is about as long as you can get!  Even with the pressure hold it was still above a 4 which is just blowing my mind at the difference a early cerclage makes.  She is a VERY hefty baby...LOL She is already almost a full pound!  She is in the 90% in her growth and she has a cute little personality and schedule already.  I should have known she would be a chubby food loving girl because she is the exact opposite of my other two.   With the other two I would eat and then they would move and get excited and kick and kick...with Kinley she gets her food and is KNOCKED out for a hour or more and then when she gets hungry again starts the dancing.  LOL So I think this girl just loves food and lays back and enjoys it!  Momma is feeding her very well after all!  Lots of good protein and veggies and fruits I try to get in daily and 90% of my drinking is water with lemon added to it because I love lemon!  We also had a fun weekend that was very eventful!!  Daddy and grandpa and grandma got mommy a new car to make sure Kinley and Dustin were in the safest car possible so we got a new little honda CRV so we have more room for baby Kinley and brother's stuff!  We also went shopping as a family to get some things at babie's R us for Kinley and big brother got a going back to school gift for himself.  He picked out so much stuff for his sister too because he said he knows the softest stuff that she will like because she will be just like him.  I swear he is the sweetest boy I know and the most caring.  I will post a few pictures from today's visit and I will try to be more active in posting here about weekly dr. visits and checkup and also of course feelings because there has been mounds of them!  Just working thru it daily and taking it one breath at a time all we can ever do.  I know I skipped alot of weeks and in those weeks to catch anyone up we found out week after week that we were indeed having a sweet little girl and not a little boy so we are happy to announce miss Kinley Raye will be our next lovely addition.

16 weeks

I know I have been behind in posting and sharing things on here as I was before.  The thing really is it's hard to share your feelings when you aren't really sure yourself of what they are from day to day or how you feel towards a pregnancy after loss.  I am extremely happy and concerned over baby's health and doing everything possible to make it the best pregnancy and healthiest for baby.  I had my appt on Thursday with the high risk dr and my cervix was still measuring beautifully at a 4.03 which is awesome because by this time with Delanie I had already shortened to a 2.5 and was funneling with pressure.  The double cerclages placed seem to be well worth all the trouble and keeping my little one safe inside mommy and I will just have to take it day by day and be thankful for each one seperately.  Another big anxiety thing for me was hoping this baby had a 3 vessel cord which Delanie only had 2 vessels which 2 vessel cords the baby can be perfectly healthy and things fine but it also puts them higher risk to have defects in kidneys and heart and they must be evaluated once born and via sono while in pregnant as well.  BUT thank the good lord that is a worry I will not share with this pregnancy as this baby has a healthy fat 3 vessel cord.  Which is one worry for me to cross off.  I was talking with my obgyn and we were talking about milestones earlier in the week about getting to this point then viability and so on.  But see with loss late in the third trimester my milestones just don't stop.  I will never have a oh my goodness I am safe point because I know the true reality that it can easily be pulled from under you because my dear friends life is so precious.  Even when they are older I just feel like I am never going to have the point when I will ever relax I will never stop worrying or fearing for my sweet blessings.  Even now I still pray to god to rock Delanie to sleep or ask her grandparents up there to sing and rock to her to make sure she is not to lonely and missing us with a emptiness like we do for her.  I still worry for her.  But why shouldn't I,  I am still her mother and she is still in my heart, my thoughts, my deep down soul.  On Thursday we could not verify that baby was indeed a boy!  We could not see a penis and we could not see a vagina either!  So right away we drove to the 3D/4D sono place to get a better and forsure deal.  Well baby was fast asleep by that time that we got to the second appt and was totally balled up and indian style with feet infront of the private area.  So we got a rain check and will get another sono this Tuesday to verify gender and share many sweet pictures with all of you.  I loved seeing the baby in 3D/4D and the one thing I could tell right off the back was baby looks just like Delanie.....totally shocked me while I was staring at the screen it felt like I was looking into her eyes again the cheeks and such were just like her's and her daddy's.  It was a good and peaceful feeling and for a moment I could just sit back and try to pretend that it was her for a minute and feel less emptiness and hurt for just a moment.  I am feeling closer to the baby and each day time helps the bonding and seeing baby move and have a little personality helps.  Knowing the sex FORSURE will help to because I can start calling them by his or her name and we can keep moving forward with our switch to a blue boy nursery.  For now things are on hold until I can be 100% sure and 3D will do that.  Just take one day at a time. 

It's a.......

Well most of you already know from facebook and other sites but yes we have found out early what we are having and they are very sure its a little BOY!  We are happy and just blessed to have a healthy baby especially after the past two weeks of maybe losing our little one because mommy was so sick.  We are happy things are getting back to normal!  We didn't tell in a very special way this time I kept telling my mom it's hard to make it special for people when you can't seem to try hard enough to make it special for yourself.  We just don't have it in us anymore and I wish that wasn't the case but it is.  So we made a short video and posted it on facebook.  I did try to make it special for Dustin and bought him blue baby stuff and put it in a gift and let him open it which he was OVER the moon about because he REALLY wants a brother.  So he has been happy and singing all day long you could have given this boy anything in the world but he is SO happy he is having a brother.  I am happy about the baby and truly did not care about the sex I just want a baby with a heartbeat.  We have so much to plan and buy because we don't plan on having a baby shower this time.  I feel bad asking for people to come to a second one a year apart and would wonder how they would feel and if they would be hmm...waiting for the ball to drop?  I know that is prolly just me and my crazy thinking but its what I am going thru truthfully.  So I wanted to share a couple pictures of my sweet baby boy and try to upload the video for you all as well.  Thank you so much for your support and prayers please please keep them coming.

Cerclage story and hostpial stay

WOW where to begin!  This has been what it seem is a really long 2 weeks.  On June 28th I went into the hospital and had a double cerclage placed.  The surgery itself was wonderful.  The ansethsia(sp)doctor had to poke me 4 different times for the spinal block and then over medicated me.  I was allowed to go home later that night to rest and recover but only to wake up the next morning (friday) with severe spinal heahaches.  Being a nurse I knew they could possibly go away with lots of fluids and some caffiene and laying flat and in a dark room.  Finally Saturday they started to feel better and I started moving around walking and trying to get back to normal.  Sunday I woke up and I felt a little heavy in my chest but no mucous or any other cold symptoms whatsoever.  Monday morning I woke up and the heavy chest feeling was still there but still no other symptoms with it.  So I went on to my post op appt at 10:30 Monday morning.  I saw baby we checked the cerclage site and everything was good.  I mentioned to her about the heavy chested feeling and she decided it would be best to start antibiotics just incase even though I had no fever or other symptoms.  I then went home and was very tired I took the first dose of antibiotics and laid down.  I woke up shaking and very cold and went to the drawer and took my tempature.  It was 102 which made me nervous.  I told my mother and she got me some tylenol and some cold drinks.  I took 1 gram of tylenol and started to feel a little better fever wise but the fever never got under 100.  At the 3 hour mark my tempature was back up to 102 and another gram of tylenol was taken.  By the next round John was home and again at the 3 hour mark temp was over 102 and pulse was high and I was starting to feel really bad and struggling to breath deeply.  So we decided to call the OB and head to the hosptial to get everything evaluated.  By the time I walked into the ER my fever was over 103, pulse was 149 and I was very confused and couldn't breath well and was stating in the 80's.  I was taken to a trauma bay as they started drawling many labs and placed ice around all my body parts and pushed cold fluids and gave me another gram of tylenol.  Everything was really fuzzy after this point so I am not remembering everything and there are so many details to go over.  I was very sick and was either going to be admitted to ICU or the cardiac unit.  One of my levels didn't come out as high as they thought it would so I was admitted to the cardiac unit because my heart rate would not get lower then the 130-140 at that point and I was reacting to it.  I was told I had actelectasis in both lungs and severe pneumonia in the right lung.  Which I think is so crazy because I am telling you I had NO symptoms prior except heavy chest feeling.  I spent the next 4 days on the cardiac unit and had a horrible stay there with bad care.  I felt I could do better at home on my own and with family so after I was more stable I asked to be discharged.  After they let me go home I was still having fevers and lung issues but was on the winning end.  I was started on lung medications and antibiotics for 15 days now because I am still having low grade temps.  This is just all so crazy and unexpected and I don't know how a person goes from walking around to being in a trauma bay in a matter of hours.  Of course I was extremely worried about my poor baby this whole time but he or she was hanging on and doing well and was checked again today and was doing VERY well and growing nicely.  I will be making a seperate post on today's appt with a annoucement later =)