23+5 high risk check up!

Quicky post about today's visit!  Kinley is doing great she is a nice 1 pound 7 oz and now out weighs her big brother's birth weight he was 1 pound 5 oz at birth LOL.  She was head down but that girl better know she is not going anywhere!  Her head was slightly turned to my hip so she was not as engaged which she has been which is awesome cause I have less pressure and feels great!  It was hard to get any face shots because of her position though!  Cervix was still funneling but was a nice 3.66 cm in length which is very very nice.  My blood pressure was good but we are watching it as it is a couple points higher then my normal.  She was healthy and moving around nicely so mommy was happy as the anxiety about her seems to be seeping in and getting worse by the day!  I think not working isn't helping that there is just so much more to worry about and so much more time to sit and think about it!  Going to share some pictures and maybe some moving clips if I can get them downloaded for sure!  Maybe tomorrow I will post some pregnancy shots and start taking pictures of her room in progress!

Still a little girl LOL

Her little feet!

Mom why are you trying to take my picture I would rather attempt at shoveling my hands in my mouth...LOL

Bedrest.....

So this stuff is getting harder and still I can not imagine how I did so long on strict bedrest last time when this time is only modified and I seem to be going insane.  I think also last time I was in so much pain daily that I did not WANT to get up because it literally felt like she was going to fall out.  This pregnancy I still feel pretty good pelvic pain wise.  I do have some lower back pain every now and then but usually if I sit down or lay down it calms down.  Tomorrow marks Friday so after that is over the weekend with my family around is something to really look forward too since I get pretty lonely walking around the house and let's face it daytime TV sucks these days!  I can only watch so many movies too!  I think tomorrow I will run to hobby lobby or make John take me on Saturday since everyone thinks if I go somewhere by myself the baby will fall out, and get a craft or something to work on for the baby's room.  That way I feel progress somehow and stay busy.  I think I will search for a new book tomorrow as well maybe a series that I can work my way thru since I have about 14 more weeks to go for baby Kinley's arrival.  I know this time will pass and I will miss it and let me let you know I am in no where near complaining I am treasuring each day and moment and loving her moving inside me and growing strong.  Do I still think about loss each day YES.  Is it sad that I know no matter what I will at least get to hold her?  The weird mind of a loss mother the small things we are thankful for even with our fallen angels at least I got to hold her and kiss her and smell her and see her face and rub my fingers thru her hair and hold her close to my chest.  Is it sad that at least I know for all my hard work I still get a baby even if she may be a angel when I hold her and that I am blessed for even that?  Course I know I just don't have control and if this strikes our family again that it will just happen and we will run our forever course of grief just fresher again.  Do I believe it is going to happen...no I don't.  I really think alot of Delanie's issue was the 2 vessel cord and she had a clot in the cord.  Kinley does have a proper 3 vessel cord that is actually quite large.  I have just got to keep counting my blessings and taking it day by day and goal by goal and no matter the ending its the journey that was worth it.  I am giving this baby a chance to live no matter how long she is happy right now at this moment and warm and comforted and loved and yes very well fed.  She knows she is wanted and needed which many children will never know that feeling sadly in life and she has had it before she has even taken her first breath.  I will enjoy this day and pray for tomorrow.  I will remember to love each kick and bless each little hiccup because I know how precious they are and when they are gone you would give anything in your power to just get one back.  I know that feeling of emptiness and despair and she fills me with love and warmth.  Just hang on to that moment that is how I will get thru to the next and so on.  Next big goal is 25 weeks in my mind.  Just to get her there will be wonderful and I really think we will make it there and beyond.  We can do it.

bedrest & 23 weeks!

So me and miss Kinley are on modified bedrest now.  I am getting bored already and wondering how I will do this for 3 more months and also left wondering how did I do strict bedrest with my sweet Delanie for 15 weeks!!  I never thought about how much work it was because I was so scared to lose her and was willing to do whatever it took to get another day in or even hour.  Which I am with Kinley I just still feel so much better then I was with Delanie and my cervix is not near as short as it was with Delanie.  Delanie was a very emergency situation and my cervix was extremely low.  This weekend I was feeling off just not myself and was having on and off back pain.  Saturday I got put on call by my request because I was not feeling well at all.  Sunday I went into work and I kept having sporadic back pain in my lower back and realized hmmm...this is what I had for contractions with Dustin.  I went home early that day and was going to go home and shower and go to L&D after.  But when I got home I took the shower and let the hot water beat down and drowned myself in water and took a nap with John and then felt so much better that I decided I would just go into the doctor's in the morning to be checked out.  Well when I got there she did a sono and my cervix was still looking good had shortened a bit and was funneling a bit with her head pressing against it.  She couldn't be sure about the contractions but did not want to take any chances and was surprised I even lasted this long and she didn't feel safe with me going back to work.  I cried a little because I felt defeated because I was really enjoying the "normal" experiance of being a "regular" mom to be.  Plus working makes the time go by SOOOOO much faster and I love the people I work with and love sharing this pregnancy with them.  But I will always do what is best for my babies and if the doctor says bedrest then so be it.  At least it's modified and not strict I guess I just need to count each blessing as it comes and remember how lucky I am just to be here and have her growing inside me each day.  I am now 23 weeks today which is viable.  Chances are still very rocky but she has a small chance not that I am going for her being born early at all!!  2 more weeks is when Dustin was born at 25 weeks gestation and to me that is hard to imagine!  But it's my next goal and then I will just keep extending them from there and hopefully I just run out of goals on my way into the c-section room December 19th!!  I keep thinking of the feeling of laying there on the OR table and hearing the sweet sound of my baby taking a breath and crying and what feelings I will have at that time.  I know a major one will be relief.  I want to hold her and smell her and lay my head back and just think oh my great god we have done it and worked so hard for this moment.  I am praying so deeply this happens.  To see my wonderful husband be a wonderful father to a growing little girl and hold her warm in his arms and rock her in his arms just like he did with Delanie but no tears in anyone's eyes except for happy ones.  I dream of all these hopeful memories and hopefully one day all my sweet dreams will come true with hard work and alot of time. 

22 weeks

22 weeks and I just keep wanting time to move forward faster and faster.  I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me when she will come and how everything will be in the future.  Now my goal is viability which is 23 weeks here and then 25 weeks when I had Dustin and then we will just keep going from there.  I had my high risk appt today and everything still looked beautiful which was awesome.  My cervix is still wonderful at a 3.75 and Kinley Raye looked beautiful and was active and was a nice 1 pound 1 oz in weight.  So I am still able to work which is good in many ways because work helps pass time alot faster then laying in bed all day!  My blood pressure was slightly up but I will be watching it closely at home as well and we will say prayers that it was just because I was walking and doing alot today.  Everything else looked good and Kinley is getting so much more active these days to let us know her presence.  We are preparing the house for her and cleaned the carpets and curtains and redid blinds this weekend and severely cleaned house.  I guess mama is in nesting phase slightly early this time!  I think John was excited to go back to work on Monday to get away from the cleaning nazi.  I keep thinking I am going to go on bedrest and I will need to have all this done before I am nailed down and will not be able to do it then.  I forgot to remind her about my DVD today so no pictures from this visit but hopefully next visit we will get alot more.  Dustin is doing well in school and making new friends and seems to like his teacher.  I am hoping he has a wonderful year I know Kinley will make it better but I am hoping school wise he has a better time then last year as he struggled a bit but at the end of the year did very well.  We shall see...belly pictures to start soon I am just so lazy!

3d/4d sono pics

We got a 3D/4D sono on Friday John even got to come and Dustin was there aswell!  So my little family was all together as I know Delanie is always watching I am sure giving her sister pointers on how to make mommy run to the bathroom with bladder punches...LOL  Here are a few of the many pictures to share

Almost 21 weeks!

Almost 21 weeks and this time couldn't go by any faster!  Right now I am urging the days to pass until I reach 25 weeks where I will breath ONE huge sigh and then move on to the next goal and worry after that!  I still am amazed I am working and proud as well I feel like a "normal" pregnant mother and that feels good!  Other people may laugh at that but if I am working I am healthy enough to and that is a huge plus to me!  Now if the doctor's of course say bedrest now then I will totally do exactly what they say and order to a tee.  My next appointment is the 5th with the high risk and also my OBGYN is the same day.  We shall see what the next check up will bring us!  Hopefully nothing but sunshine and rainbows because I am loving this feeling.  Baby girl is doing good and moving around like crazy she is making me feel so much closer and bonding with her even more each kick and punch and wiggle.  Thru everything I have just learned to appreciate and love each day and savor the moment.  It's hard when you are panicking and freaking out every 2 seconds but I try to remind myself each day take a breath and breathe it in.  Savor the moment.  Be happy for today and today only and keep looking forward and thank god for each moment.

Perinatology check up 19+5 days!

I know I know I haven't updated in awhile and I feel like I am short changing this sweet little girl and not giving her the same treatment I have given her siblings.  It's really hard the further I get along the more anxiety and feelings seem to seep thru.  The worry and what if's sometimes try to take over but many times I just throw my hands up and say I am not in control and there is nothing I can do but leave it in god's hands and pray about a thousand times a day that Kinley Raye will be a take home baby and we will be able to watch her grow and grow.  So today's check up was AWESOME.  I am actually doing better then I think I could have ever hoped for at this stage in the game!  My cervix is a long 4.39 which is about as long as you can get!  Even with the pressure hold it was still above a 4 which is just blowing my mind at the difference a early cerclage makes.  She is a VERY hefty baby...LOL She is already almost a full pound!  She is in the 90% in her growth and she has a cute little personality and schedule already.  I should have known she would be a chubby food loving girl because she is the exact opposite of my other two.   With the other two I would eat and then they would move and get excited and kick and kick...with Kinley she gets her food and is KNOCKED out for a hour or more and then when she gets hungry again starts the dancing.  LOL So I think this girl just loves food and lays back and enjoys it!  Momma is feeding her very well after all!  Lots of good protein and veggies and fruits I try to get in daily and 90% of my drinking is water with lemon added to it because I love lemon!  We also had a fun weekend that was very eventful!!  Daddy and grandpa and grandma got mommy a new car to make sure Kinley and Dustin were in the safest car possible so we got a new little honda CRV so we have more room for baby Kinley and brother's stuff!  We also went shopping as a family to get some things at babie's R us for Kinley and big brother got a going back to school gift for himself.  He picked out so much stuff for his sister too because he said he knows the softest stuff that she will like because she will be just like him.  I swear he is the sweetest boy I know and the most caring.  I will post a few pictures from today's visit and I will try to be more active in posting here about weekly dr. visits and checkup and also of course feelings because there has been mounds of them!  Just working thru it daily and taking it one breath at a time all we can ever do.  I know I skipped alot of weeks and in those weeks to catch anyone up we found out week after week that we were indeed having a sweet little girl and not a little boy so we are happy to announce miss Kinley Raye will be our next lovely addition.