So I am the official mother to a happy little 9 year old. In alot of ways I am so thrilled and in utter happiness that Dustin is so happy and growing and healthy, but then there is that other side where the years just seem like they pass way to fast. Just like every sad moment bring light to grief alot of times happy ones make it even worse or shine brighter. I stood there thinking about how his birthday was last year I was still huge and pregnant and getting ready to welcome my little girl into this world and Dustin couldn't have been happier that he would finally not be "alone". I had a hard time planning his party this year and put it off for awhile until time finally came to where it had to be dealt with fast paced. I now find myself trying to figure out what I can deal with and plan for Delanie's up coming birthday. It just should have been so much different. I should be complaining about exhaustion of shopping for again a second birthday party and calling people and scheduling entertainment and finding her the perfect outfit and little cake to smush on her little face. But I know that is just not how it is and I accept that I have for a long time but it doesn't make the hurt or the thought of it away. I usually walk in the March of Dimes I usually compain and do it proudly. I can't seem to wrap my head around it this year. Adding yet again another baby to the page but this one with a sad ending and not a happy one like my sweet 9 year old. It's so weird and mysterious the things that bother you and the things that don't so much. You can never predict it or even try to make sense of it. You just have to live it and get thru it one breath at a time. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring but I can only hope and pray for sunny days, sweet smiles, and love..lots of love. Thankful for the blessing I have and hold dear and cherish daily but missing the one that is gone as well.
My sweet son now 9 years old