Thursday, September 27, 2012


So after all the trouble I had just finished writing about I decided to get into a little more...LOL  Tuesday night was the worst night I had contractions all night but felt so bad about keeping John and family up the night before in Labor and Delivery I decided to wait until morning because I knew my cervix was closed and I had no discharge or mucus changes or spotting so I knew things were okay and that the contractions were not making change in that area.  I stayed up until 2:30am with the back labor and then finally fell asleep.  I am thinking the first round of steriods didnt help the whole non sleep thing either.  So Wed morning I started calling doctor's to let them know about the night's events.  I was instructed to go to labor and Delivery to be admitted for further care and to start the second round of steriods for baby Kinley.  I asked my bestfriend to come get me and told John to stay at work since things were stable and I was only contracting at the time about once a hour or so.  So off we went to labor and delivery and I was admitted to stay at least over night to see what happened.  I was checked again and cervix was still closed.  I continuted contracting about once a hour sometimes every 30 minutes until 5:08 pm I contracted 6 times in a hour and then NOTHING LOL!  Crazy!  I think really my body needs to adjust to strict bedrest and taking it easy and things will start to flow better.  I was also NPO (nothing by mouth) until 4:30pm that day because they were unsure if they would have to take her or start mag which you are NPO for.  So I was behind on fluids but after that time I was DROWNING myself in them so I think that is what helped the contractions really stop fast!  I was actually able to sleep that night until about 4:30am which is good for me especially in a busy hospital with women screaming everywhere LOL  Was a busy busy night.  That morning since I hadn't done anything that night I asked if I would be allowed to go home and they said yes!  Since I did such a good job with Delanie and she knows I will call if I need to come in I was able to go home!  So now tonight I am happily back with my family relaxing and staying away from contractions hopefully!  So now the waiting game is on.  Kinley could come at any moment but we are hoping for at least 3 more weeks.  But its good to know she has all her steroids on board to be in the best shape possible.  She is a fiesty little thing!  Sure she will prolly be a redhead as firey as she is!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Baby Kinley

Pictures from doctor's visit at 24+6 days will try to take better pictures later these are with me phone lol

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


So yesterday I decided things were to quiet and needed to scare some people around because let's face it that is what I do while pregnant!  So yesterday I wasn't feeling well just kind of sick to my tummy but I had been feeling "gunky" all weekend and laid around for the main part of the weekend because of it.  Monday I really wanted to get out for a bit so mom and I went to Target to go buy Dustin a some new pants with some store credit I had.  When we got to the store I started feeling sick to my stomach again so we got two pairs and left quickly and picked up dinner on the way home and went home to lay down for the night.  Well about 6-630 I kept complaining about back pain but it didn't click until I said something out loud about "mom don't worry it comes and then goes away"  well then it hit me....DUH Holly that is what you don't want....LOL  So I laid down drank some fluids and took a hot shower but nothing seemed to work and the back pain kept coming so I decided around 830 after Dustin was in bed I would go in to get checked out at the hospital to take no chances.  John was in Austin on buisness and my mom was here to watch Dustin so I was just going to drive myself because to me it was no big deal it's just like a doctors appt but at night because I just wanted to make sure things weren't what I thought they were.  My sister came to get me though and my niece to take me down to the hospital.  I called John and even though I told him to stay there I think he was at the hospital in a hour or so from AUSTIN!  My poor husband he loves us so much.  When I got to L&D I had great service and everything was quickly done.  I had already called my doctor on call prior and orders were nicely there waiting for me.  I had a fetalfibranectomine(FFN) done of my cervix this test gives you a likely outcome of near delivery.  It was negative so that is a great thing!  Contractions were still coming but not picking up on the montior which MINE never do!  I have ALL back labor with Dustin and Kinley.  Delanie I never contracted to much at all.  So they sent me home on strict bedrest until today when I could follow up with the high risk doctor for further evaluation because her machines are better then the hospital and she calls most of the shots around there.  I was no dilated and cervix was thick and high via manual check.  So I felt good about today when getting my check up.  I was still having random back pain not as much as before though.  I got to the high risk doctor and they started the sono and at first things looked GREAT!  Cervix was a nice 3.5 in length and looked nice!  Then...contraction hit!!  Cervix funneled and went down to a 2.2 in length so (I AM CONTRACTING)  but they are not picking up.  I thought I was all along.  So things changed from there.  My fluid is a nice 13 cm of nice fluid.  Baby Kinley was wonderful and moving around she is breech right now which is nice because I wouldn't want any more added pressure on my cervix with her head so I am hoping she stays that way for as long as possible.  Doctor came in and said we are doing steroids and will be on strict bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy (bummer)  but HEY I am in the game and baby is more then viable so I need to count my blessings.  They are not starting any meds right now to stop the contractions because they are irregular and not causing actual cervical change which is good.  You want to save the meds until they are absoulty needed because if you take them prolonged their effect can wear off and they not work when you NEED them forsure.  And they make you feel like crap (not that I care about that).  So we are trying to hold off if possible.  We are downing fluids and got our first round of steriods and will have our second round tomorrow and recheck my cervix Monday.  Hopefully we can stay at home they allowed me to come home because I am a nurse and they feel good because of how careful and successful I was with Delanie's bedrest and I DO follow orders!  So here we go the count down is on.  Kinley can come any day and each day is a blessing and a better outcome.  We will celebrate each week and goal and I know I can do this!  Please pray for us!  You will prolly be hearing from me alot more now that I am bed ridden!  Lord help me make it thru this SANE and with a sweet baby in my arms!  Tomorrow I am 25 weeks which is exactly when I had my 9 year old sweetie Dustin Tyler.  Hopefully she doesn't copy her big brother though!  Pictures to come in a little bit!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

24 weeks baby bump

Figured I should really start taking more pictures and documenting more on my little Kinley and her making her way into this world

Monday, September 17, 2012

23+5 high risk check up!

Quicky post about today's visit!  Kinley is doing great she is a nice 1 pound 7 oz and now out weighs her big brother's birth weight he was 1 pound 5 oz at birth LOL.  She was head down but that girl better know she is not going anywhere!  Her head was slightly turned to my hip so she was not as engaged which she has been which is awesome cause I have less pressure and feels great!  It was hard to get any face shots because of her position though!  Cervix was still funneling but was a nice 3.66 cm in length which is very very nice.  My blood pressure was good but we are watching it as it is a couple points higher then my normal.  She was healthy and moving around nicely so mommy was happy as the anxiety about her seems to be seeping in and getting worse by the day!  I think not working isn't helping that there is just so much more to worry about and so much more time to sit and think about it!  Going to share some pictures and maybe some moving clips if I can get them downloaded for sure!  Maybe tomorrow I will post some pregnancy shots and start taking pictures of her room in progress!

Still a little girl LOL

Her little feet!

Mom why are you trying to take my picture I would rather attempt at shoveling my hands in my mouth...LOL

Thursday, September 13, 2012


So this stuff is getting harder and still I can not imagine how I did so long on strict bedrest last time when this time is only modified and I seem to be going insane.  I think also last time I was in so much pain daily that I did not WANT to get up because it literally felt like she was going to fall out.  This pregnancy I still feel pretty good pelvic pain wise.  I do have some lower back pain every now and then but usually if I sit down or lay down it calms down.  Tomorrow marks Friday so after that is over the weekend with my family around is something to really look forward too since I get pretty lonely walking around the house and let's face it daytime TV sucks these days!  I can only watch so many movies too!  I think tomorrow I will run to hobby lobby or make John take me on Saturday since everyone thinks if I go somewhere by myself the baby will fall out, and get a craft or something to work on for the baby's room.  That way I feel progress somehow and stay busy.  I think I will search for a new book tomorrow as well maybe a series that I can work my way thru since I have about 14 more weeks to go for baby Kinley's arrival.  I know this time will pass and I will miss it and let me let you know I am in no where near complaining I am treasuring each day and moment and loving her moving inside me and growing strong.  Do I still think about loss each day YES.  Is it sad that I know no matter what I will at least get to hold her?  The weird mind of a loss mother the small things we are thankful for even with our fallen angels at least I got to hold her and kiss her and smell her and see her face and rub my fingers thru her hair and hold her close to my chest.  Is it sad that at least I know for all my hard work I still get a baby even if she may be a angel when I hold her and that I am blessed for even that?  Course I know I just don't have control and if this strikes our family again that it will just happen and we will run our forever course of grief just fresher again.  Do I believe it is going to I don't.  I really think alot of Delanie's issue was the 2 vessel cord and she had a clot in the cord.  Kinley does have a proper 3 vessel cord that is actually quite large.  I have just got to keep counting my blessings and taking it day by day and goal by goal and no matter the ending its the journey that was worth it.  I am giving this baby a chance to live no matter how long she is happy right now at this moment and warm and comforted and loved and yes very well fed.  She knows she is wanted and needed which many children will never know that feeling sadly in life and she has had it before she has even taken her first breath.  I will enjoy this day and pray for tomorrow.  I will remember to love each kick and bless each little hiccup because I know how precious they are and when they are gone you would give anything in your power to just get one back.  I know that feeling of emptiness and despair and she fills me with love and warmth.  Just hang on to that moment that is how I will get thru to the next and so on.  Next big goal is 25 weeks in my mind.  Just to get her there will be wonderful and I really think we will make it there and beyond.  We can do it.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

bedrest & 23 weeks!

So me and miss Kinley are on modified bedrest now.  I am getting bored already and wondering how I will do this for 3 more months and also left wondering how did I do strict bedrest with my sweet Delanie for 15 weeks!!  I never thought about how much work it was because I was so scared to lose her and was willing to do whatever it took to get another day in or even hour.  Which I am with Kinley I just still feel so much better then I was with Delanie and my cervix is not near as short as it was with Delanie.  Delanie was a very emergency situation and my cervix was extremely low.  This weekend I was feeling off just not myself and was having on and off back pain.  Saturday I got put on call by my request because I was not feeling well at all.  Sunday I went into work and I kept having sporadic back pain in my lower back and realized hmmm...this is what I had for contractions with Dustin.  I went home early that day and was going to go home and shower and go to L&D after.  But when I got home I took the shower and let the hot water beat down and drowned myself in water and took a nap with John and then felt so much better that I decided I would just go into the doctor's in the morning to be checked out.  Well when I got there she did a sono and my cervix was still looking good had shortened a bit and was funneling a bit with her head pressing against it.  She couldn't be sure about the contractions but did not want to take any chances and was surprised I even lasted this long and she didn't feel safe with me going back to work.  I cried a little because I felt defeated because I was really enjoying the "normal" experiance of being a "regular" mom to be.  Plus working makes the time go by SOOOOO much faster and I love the people I work with and love sharing this pregnancy with them.  But I will always do what is best for my babies and if the doctor says bedrest then so be it.  At least it's modified and not strict I guess I just need to count each blessing as it comes and remember how lucky I am just to be here and have her growing inside me each day.  I am now 23 weeks today which is viable.  Chances are still very rocky but she has a small chance not that I am going for her being born early at all!!  2 more weeks is when Dustin was born at 25 weeks gestation and to me that is hard to imagine!  But it's my next goal and then I will just keep extending them from there and hopefully I just run out of goals on my way into the c-section room December 19th!!  I keep thinking of the feeling of laying there on the OR table and hearing the sweet sound of my baby taking a breath and crying and what feelings I will have at that time.  I know a major one will be relief.  I want to hold her and smell her and lay my head back and just think oh my great god we have done it and worked so hard for this moment.  I am praying so deeply this happens.  To see my wonderful husband be a wonderful father to a growing little girl and hold her warm in his arms and rock her in his arms just like he did with Delanie but no tears in anyone's eyes except for happy ones.  I dream of all these hopeful memories and hopefully one day all my sweet dreams will come true with hard work and alot of time. 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

22 weeks

22 weeks and I just keep wanting time to move forward faster and faster.  I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me when she will come and how everything will be in the future.  Now my goal is viability which is 23 weeks here and then 25 weeks when I had Dustin and then we will just keep going from there.  I had my high risk appt today and everything still looked beautiful which was awesome.  My cervix is still wonderful at a 3.75 and Kinley Raye looked beautiful and was active and was a nice 1 pound 1 oz in weight.  So I am still able to work which is good in many ways because work helps pass time alot faster then laying in bed all day!  My blood pressure was slightly up but I will be watching it closely at home as well and we will say prayers that it was just because I was walking and doing alot today.  Everything else looked good and Kinley is getting so much more active these days to let us know her presence.  We are preparing the house for her and cleaned the carpets and curtains and redid blinds this weekend and severely cleaned house.  I guess mama is in nesting phase slightly early this time!  I think John was excited to go back to work on Monday to get away from the cleaning nazi.  I keep thinking I am going to go on bedrest and I will need to have all this done before I am nailed down and will not be able to do it then.  I forgot to remind her about my DVD today so no pictures from this visit but hopefully next visit we will get alot more.  Dustin is doing well in school and making new friends and seems to like his teacher.  I am hoping he has a wonderful year I know Kinley will make it better but I am hoping school wise he has a better time then last year as he struggled a bit but at the end of the year did very well.  We shall see...belly pictures to start soon I am just so lazy!