Wednesday, September 12, 2012

bedrest & 23 weeks!

So me and miss Kinley are on modified bedrest now.  I am getting bored already and wondering how I will do this for 3 more months and also left wondering how did I do strict bedrest with my sweet Delanie for 15 weeks!!  I never thought about how much work it was because I was so scared to lose her and was willing to do whatever it took to get another day in or even hour.  Which I am with Kinley I just still feel so much better then I was with Delanie and my cervix is not near as short as it was with Delanie.  Delanie was a very emergency situation and my cervix was extremely low.  This weekend I was feeling off just not myself and was having on and off back pain.  Saturday I got put on call by my request because I was not feeling well at all.  Sunday I went into work and I kept having sporadic back pain in my lower back and realized hmmm...this is what I had for contractions with Dustin.  I went home early that day and was going to go home and shower and go to L&D after.  But when I got home I took the shower and let the hot water beat down and drowned myself in water and took a nap with John and then felt so much better that I decided I would just go into the doctor's in the morning to be checked out.  Well when I got there she did a sono and my cervix was still looking good had shortened a bit and was funneling a bit with her head pressing against it.  She couldn't be sure about the contractions but did not want to take any chances and was surprised I even lasted this long and she didn't feel safe with me going back to work.  I cried a little because I felt defeated because I was really enjoying the "normal" experiance of being a "regular" mom to be.  Plus working makes the time go by SOOOOO much faster and I love the people I work with and love sharing this pregnancy with them.  But I will always do what is best for my babies and if the doctor says bedrest then so be it.  At least it's modified and not strict I guess I just need to count each blessing as it comes and remember how lucky I am just to be here and have her growing inside me each day.  I am now 23 weeks today which is viable.  Chances are still very rocky but she has a small chance not that I am going for her being born early at all!!  2 more weeks is when Dustin was born at 25 weeks gestation and to me that is hard to imagine!  But it's my next goal and then I will just keep extending them from there and hopefully I just run out of goals on my way into the c-section room December 19th!!  I keep thinking of the feeling of laying there on the OR table and hearing the sweet sound of my baby taking a breath and crying and what feelings I will have at that time.  I know a major one will be relief.  I want to hold her and smell her and lay my head back and just think oh my great god we have done it and worked so hard for this moment.  I am praying so deeply this happens.  To see my wonderful husband be a wonderful father to a growing little girl and hold her warm in his arms and rock her in his arms just like he did with Delanie but no tears in anyone's eyes except for happy ones.  I dream of all these hopeful memories and hopefully one day all my sweet dreams will come true with hard work and alot of time. 

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