16 weeks

I know I have been behind in posting and sharing things on here as I was before.  The thing really is it's hard to share your feelings when you aren't really sure yourself of what they are from day to day or how you feel towards a pregnancy after loss.  I am extremely happy and concerned over baby's health and doing everything possible to make it the best pregnancy and healthiest for baby.  I had my appt on Thursday with the high risk dr and my cervix was still measuring beautifully at a 4.03 which is awesome because by this time with Delanie I had already shortened to a 2.5 and was funneling with pressure.  The double cerclages placed seem to be well worth all the trouble and keeping my little one safe inside mommy and I will just have to take it day by day and be thankful for each one seperately.  Another big anxiety thing for me was hoping this baby had a 3 vessel cord which Delanie only had 2 vessels which 2 vessel cords the baby can be perfectly healthy and things fine but it also puts them higher risk to have defects in kidneys and heart and they must be evaluated once born and via sono while in pregnant as well.  BUT thank the good lord that is a worry I will not share with this pregnancy as this baby has a healthy fat 3 vessel cord.  Which is one worry for me to cross off.  I was talking with my obgyn and we were talking about milestones earlier in the week about getting to this point then viability and so on.  But see with loss late in the third trimester my milestones just don't stop.  I will never have a oh my goodness I am safe point because I know the true reality that it can easily be pulled from under you because my dear friends life is so precious.  Even when they are older I just feel like I am never going to have the point when I will ever relax I will never stop worrying or fearing for my sweet blessings.  Even now I still pray to god to rock Delanie to sleep or ask her grandparents up there to sing and rock to her to make sure she is not to lonely and missing us with a emptiness like we do for her.  I still worry for her.  But why shouldn't I,  I am still her mother and she is still in my heart, my thoughts, my deep down soul.  On Thursday we could not verify that baby was indeed a boy!  We could not see a penis and we could not see a vagina either!  So right away we drove to the 3D/4D sono place to get a better and forsure deal.  Well baby was fast asleep by that time that we got to the second appt and was totally balled up and indian style with feet infront of the private area.  So we got a rain check and will get another sono this Tuesday to verify gender and share many sweet pictures with all of you.  I loved seeing the baby in 3D/4D and the one thing I could tell right off the back was baby looks just like Delanie.....totally shocked me while I was staring at the screen it felt like I was looking into her eyes again the cheeks and such were just like her's and her daddy's.  It was a good and peaceful feeling and for a moment I could just sit back and try to pretend that it was her for a minute and feel less emptiness and hurt for just a moment.  I am feeling closer to the baby and each day time helps the bonding and seeing baby move and have a little personality helps.  Knowing the sex FORSURE will help to because I can start calling them by his or her name and we can keep moving forward with our switch to a blue boy nursery.  For now things are on hold until I can be 100% sure and 3D will do that.  Just take one day at a time. 

It's a.......

Well most of you already know from facebook and other sites but yes we have found out early what we are having and they are very sure its a little BOY!  We are happy and just blessed to have a healthy baby especially after the past two weeks of maybe losing our little one because mommy was so sick.  We are happy things are getting back to normal!  We didn't tell in a very special way this time I kept telling my mom it's hard to make it special for people when you can't seem to try hard enough to make it special for yourself.  We just don't have it in us anymore and I wish that wasn't the case but it is.  So we made a short video and posted it on facebook.  I did try to make it special for Dustin and bought him blue baby stuff and put it in a gift and let him open it which he was OVER the moon about because he REALLY wants a brother.  So he has been happy and singing all day long you could have given this boy anything in the world but he is SO happy he is having a brother.  I am happy about the baby and truly did not care about the sex I just want a baby with a heartbeat.  We have so much to plan and buy because we don't plan on having a baby shower this time.  I feel bad asking for people to come to a second one a year apart and would wonder how they would feel and if they would be hmm...waiting for the ball to drop?  I know that is prolly just me and my crazy thinking but its what I am going thru truthfully.  So I wanted to share a couple pictures of my sweet baby boy and try to upload the video for you all as well.  Thank you so much for your support and prayers please please keep them coming.

Cerclage story and hostpial stay

WOW where to begin!  This has been what it seem is a really long 2 weeks.  On June 28th I went into the hospital and had a double cerclage placed.  The surgery itself was wonderful.  The ansethsia(sp)doctor had to poke me 4 different times for the spinal block and then over medicated me.  I was allowed to go home later that night to rest and recover but only to wake up the next morning (friday) with severe spinal heahaches.  Being a nurse I knew they could possibly go away with lots of fluids and some caffiene and laying flat and in a dark room.  Finally Saturday they started to feel better and I started moving around walking and trying to get back to normal.  Sunday I woke up and I felt a little heavy in my chest but no mucous or any other cold symptoms whatsoever.  Monday morning I woke up and the heavy chest feeling was still there but still no other symptoms with it.  So I went on to my post op appt at 10:30 Monday morning.  I saw baby we checked the cerclage site and everything was good.  I mentioned to her about the heavy chested feeling and she decided it would be best to start antibiotics just incase even though I had no fever or other symptoms.  I then went home and was very tired I took the first dose of antibiotics and laid down.  I woke up shaking and very cold and went to the drawer and took my tempature.  It was 102 which made me nervous.  I told my mother and she got me some tylenol and some cold drinks.  I took 1 gram of tylenol and started to feel a little better fever wise but the fever never got under 100.  At the 3 hour mark my tempature was back up to 102 and another gram of tylenol was taken.  By the next round John was home and again at the 3 hour mark temp was over 102 and pulse was high and I was starting to feel really bad and struggling to breath deeply.  So we decided to call the OB and head to the hosptial to get everything evaluated.  By the time I walked into the ER my fever was over 103, pulse was 149 and I was very confused and couldn't breath well and was stating in the 80's.  I was taken to a trauma bay as they started drawling many labs and placed ice around all my body parts and pushed cold fluids and gave me another gram of tylenol.  Everything was really fuzzy after this point so I am not remembering everything and there are so many details to go over.  I was very sick and was either going to be admitted to ICU or the cardiac unit.  One of my levels didn't come out as high as they thought it would so I was admitted to the cardiac unit because my heart rate would not get lower then the 130-140 at that point and I was reacting to it.  I was told I had actelectasis in both lungs and severe pneumonia in the right lung.  Which I think is so crazy because I am telling you I had NO symptoms prior except heavy chest feeling.  I spent the next 4 days on the cardiac unit and had a horrible stay there with bad care.  I felt I could do better at home on my own and with family so after I was more stable I asked to be discharged.  After they let me go home I was still having fevers and lung issues but was on the winning end.  I was started on lung medications and antibiotics for 15 days now because I am still having low grade temps.  This is just all so crazy and unexpected and I don't know how a person goes from walking around to being in a trauma bay in a matter of hours.  Of course I was extremely worried about my poor baby this whole time but he or she was hanging on and doing well and was checked again today and was doing VERY well and growing nicely.  I will be making a seperate post on today's appt with a annoucement later =)