Good Friday

Kinley's first good Friday!  Dustin was happy to be off school and had a great day by getting to do his favorite things in life!  Stay in his pj's and play games and have a movie day!  I have been exhausted with my little Kbug so I was happy to join him in a full on PJ day!  I did dress Kinley in a little Easter onesie today and snap a few pictures.  I made Dustin all the meals he wanted today soup and sandwiches for lunch and I made homemade bacon, cheese and chicken hot pockets for dinner!  I have really been getting into cooking lately and trying to be a better momma and little wife!  I just wish I had about 80 hours more sleep to do that!  It's been one of those weeks where the house is a little dirtier then usual but kids are happy and mommy is exhausted but in utter paradise!  Kinley has been gassy and spitting up this past couple days.  I think it is my over active let down while breastfeeding.  She is strictly breastfed so no formula woes there.  Hoping it starts to ease up and we get back to normal nursing soon I really think it was just a growth spurt and now she has to adjust to the new flow of things.  Right now I should be sleeping and catching up on dreams but my head is full of things and I need to unwind.  I am just listening to the still of the house right now and enjoying it except for the barking shiz-su two house's down.  Dustin is snuggled in his bed with his fifty stuffed animals and blankets layed all just right and a kiss from momma on his forehead and Kinley is snuggled up in her bassinet beside me snoozing away.  She will more then likely stay asleep either until 1am or sometimes she will sleep until 3am for a feeding then back to sleep until 6am then back to sleep sometimes until 8am.  Which is nice!  I look at her laying beside me and just watching her sleep I miss her even though I am exhausted I miss her...At this point in the night I am staring at her and saying how I wish I could FFWD to her 3 am feeding to nurse and love her again.  I will never mind getting up in the night to feed her because yes I miss her.  But yes I miss sleep too I wish I could do both at the same time!  I am excited about her first Easter John and I bought her the most precious dress that I am wanting to see her in so badly.  I bought a polo for Dustin to match her as well and I want to see them together.  I so am always thinking about my sweet Delanie daily wishing I could have bought her a dress to match her siblings.  I know this is how it will be for the rest of my life always having that missing link there and wondering the what if's.  I am so grateful Kinley is here but wishing I had all three of my children filling up my home and keeping me up even more at night.  Delanie would have been turning two next week and I can't help but think of how much fun she would be right now picking up eggs and twirling in her dress and shoveling cookies and cupcakes in her mouth and getting a lolly pop stuck in her hair and driving me mad trying to keep her clean when all she would want to do is play in the dirt with her brother more then likely.  I wish I was that busy mom even more then I am.  I wish we were outnumbered LOL  But I will take my blessings at least I had her at least she is my daughter my first born daughter.  I will count my blessings and watch my children that I have with me grow but I will never forget that missing link and will always think of her daily.