Nervous and uneasy....

Went to the OBGYN today and had a nice visit it was for pre-op and normal check-up.  I lost more weight which I normally lose alot during pregnancy I think something hormonally corrects itself in my metabolism or something because the weight just comes off.  Which is a good thing!  I got plenty to lose!  I got answers to my medication regiment over the next few days on what to do with my injections and such.  Baby was doing good moving around alot and doing a head stand on the quickie sono she did.  Then we went down to pre register and get my pre-op lab work and u/a done.  Just becoming real in a way that I am actually very pregnant and nervous about getting another epidural which are no fun.  Tolerable but still not any fun!  So surgery will be on Thursday at 1200 noon.  I don't know how this pregnant person will stay with nothing to eat or drink that long!  I definately will be asking to eat or at least drink as soon as possible!  Wish us luck and say a prayer for smooth surgery and no signs of infection and a strong holding cerclage to keep the cervix shut and keep this little baby safe and sound inside mommy.

11 weeks 2 days!

We had our NT scan this morning and everything looked great!!  Baby was bouncing around like a spider monkey LOL and its still little so I was teasing the doctor that it's profile looked like Mr. Burns from the simpsons!  It was because baby had his or her fingers in their mouth  LOL Poor kiddo already getting made fun of!  Welcome to the family little one!!  So I did get a semi shot of between the legs and will post it and let you guess but its still to early to say either way if it's boy or girl.  Baby's heart rate was 170's and was beautifully beating strong.  Cerclage is next week on the 28th and OB visit and pre-op is the 26th.  Then I will see the perinatologist and sono the baby again on the 6th before I head back to work.  So everything is looking good so far.  Cervix is nice and long at 4.06 right now which is awesome and great news.

Well there is between the legs no telling what the sex is yet!  We shall see as he or she grows!

Picture where is looks like Mr. Burns but its because the baby has his/her fingers all in their mouth sucking on them

Little emotions but happy ones!

I think I reached another somewhat rainbow baby milestone.  I mean I know there is a little baby in there but hearing the heartbeat was such a sweet and wonderful sound and meant the world.  I am so grateful that the baby was in the right spot at the right time and I was able to catch the little wiggler before it had a chance to move again.  The last time I heard one of my babies heartrate's was Delanie's sweet little heart the night before she had gone to heaven.  I will just thank god and all the angels above for each time and each day that the little heartbeat in this rainbow continues and rest today because it's beating and I heard it.  One day at a time right?  One breath and one beat at a time!

Amazing

Amazing sound finally found today on my home doppler with much poking and proding I found my little wiggle worm on and off until he or she would move and then I would have to chase after him/her again.....turkey

Here is one of the videos

9 weeks 1 day

Today I went to the high risk doctor for another 2 week check up everything went really well and baby was just moving right along track as scheduled.  It was nice because (knock on wood) it was a nice uneventful 2 weeks!  I am feeling really good and hoping things lord please let things stay that way.  Next appt's are both on the 22nd for the big NT scan and then pre-op for my cerclage that is scheduled on the 28th.  One step at a time, one breath at a time we shall just take it day by day and see where this path takes us =  )

Baby Pictures 

9 weeks 1 day

Was moving around and heart rate was wonderful

Almost 9 weeks

I am still at a loss for my feelings daily.  The emotions I couldn't even begin to explain and barely comprehend myself.  I think that is why lately I really don't mind being alone because half the time I am trying to make sense of one thing or another.  I am trying to picture this little one in our lives but there is always that factor that my bubble has been popped before and innocence was lost.  Things are just different in life in every way after you have experainced loss its like when you are holding your little child and wishing she would take a breath you are taking a breath as a whole new being.  Your eyes forever changed and senses all changed and rearranged.  Life point of views change in most every aspect and this is no different.  You just have to grasp it and hold on and thank god for each day you are moving forward and not back.  Each pregnancy is never a promise of life, it is but a chance and a chance very worth taking.  But I do find myself injecting my medications and taking these pills and going to these appointments and hoping in the end it will end happily and my hardwork will forever pay off.  Not that it didn't with Delanie because I got the chance to meet her and I would have done the same knowing the outcome.  But I can't help but let my mind wonder on what this outcome will be and hope for the best.  This has been very healing though and I hope it continues to heal and help me learn even more lessons in life.  What are you going to teach me little one...lessons continue and that is all you can hope for.

8 weeks 2 days update

So I have been slacking lately on the baby updates.  Mostly my fault either fatigued and still having attachment issues with this baby I think as time goes on it will get better and more "real" to me.  We are steadily excited and baby is about 75% of our conversation thru out the day.  I have had several sonograms with a beautiful baby and wonderful heart rate to match.  I have had some issues with bleeding with a small sub-chorionic hemorrage.  Which is resolving fast and was barely seen on today sonogram.  I have always dealt with bleeding in all my pregnancies during the first trimester so nothing really new to me but still not a fun deal to go thru.  I have been to my specialist which totally helped ease some of my pregnancy anxiety just by being in the office seemed to ease alot of my worries.  And made me feel like wow we are really on this road again.  Today I saw my regular OBGYN Dr. Novak and she was wonderful as usual and I got to bring Dustin with me to the sono which he really liked seeing the baby and heartbeat and it wiggle around in mommy's belly and had about a dozen silly questions for the doctor but she seemed to really enjoy him and didn't mind at all and asked him when we were leaving if he would be coming to the next visit =)  Really helped me feel better about it because Dustin has been very consumed with the pregnancy and really wants to know everything it seems this time around.  He is always asking me about baby and what EXACTLY baby is doing and always concerned about the baby's temp and if the baby needs to eat or drink or sleep and when it is doing all of the above.  He is extremely excited and ready for baby to come and asks often how many more days in the count down to baby birthday.  Which I think will be around December 19th for the c-section.  Today I totally freaked myself out but seemed to get over alot of the fear now and am now at you can't control mood.  This morning after our appt I took Dustin to Jim's to eat breakfast and totally forgot I was pregnant and ate 2 sunny side up eggs not thinking in my head that they are not recommended for pregnancy.  Hopefully nothing happens and baby is safe and sound.  Totally will be WAY more careful not sure where my head was at that time. 

BABY timeline so far for June
-High risk appt June 7th  ( Every 2 weeks)
-OBGYN appt June 22
-waiting for date on NT scan
-Cerclage scheduled for June 28th at north central baptist

Meds-
Nexium 20mg, Progesterone 200mg, lovenox 40mg, NEEVO DHA, ASA, metformin 875mg, zyrtec, folic acid 1 gram

Baby pictures! 8 weeks 2 days