Monday, June 4, 2012

Almost 9 weeks

I am still at a loss for my feelings daily.  The emotions I couldn't even begin to explain and barely comprehend myself.  I think that is why lately I really don't mind being alone because half the time I am trying to make sense of one thing or another.  I am trying to picture this little one in our lives but there is always that factor that my bubble has been popped before and innocence was lost.  Things are just different in life in every way after you have experainced loss its like when you are holding your little child and wishing she would take a breath you are taking a breath as a whole new being.  Your eyes forever changed and senses all changed and rearranged.  Life point of views change in most every aspect and this is no different.  You just have to grasp it and hold on and thank god for each day you are moving forward and not back.  Each pregnancy is never a promise of life, it is but a chance and a chance very worth taking.  But I do find myself injecting my medications and taking these pills and going to these appointments and hoping in the end it will end happily and my hardwork will forever pay off.  Not that it didn't with Delanie because I got the chance to meet her and I would have done the same knowing the outcome.  But I can't help but let my mind wonder on what this outcome will be and hope for the best.  This has been very healing though and I hope it continues to heal and help me learn even more lessons in life.  What are you going to teach me little one...lessons continue and that is all you can hope for.

1 comment:

  1. Holly, after my firstborn passing away at 11 days old, I know exactly how you feel. It was hard to get too excited during my pregnancies with Ryan and Brooke because I learned the hard way that pregnancy doesn't mean you get to take a baby home from the hospital. It really, really sucks to lose that innocence. *hugs* and prayers for a healthy pregnancy and delivery!