Monday, November 12, 2012

31+5 weeks high risk visit

This baby is trying to drive her mother up the wall completely!  Went to my high risk appointment today with the lovely Dr. M which I adore everything started off wonderfully and she was active during the sonogram and weighs a hefty 4 pounds 3 oz which was mommy's guess weight this week =)  Then we got to the BPP portion of the sonogram and she scored wonderful on everything except her breathing which is very weird for her because she always is breathing and we never even have to look just for it because she does the whole sonogram but today she was very sleepy and holding her breath for us.....We then did the NST to see what was up and she did beautifully and axceled often up to the 190's at times which is wonderful.  So after that was completed and we got her to wake up more with cold water we repeated the sono BPP and right as we put the want on she is breathing like she ran a marathon....CRAZY KID don't you know you are killing your mother over here??  She then proceeded to breath thru the whole sono and kick like crazy.  Dr.  M told me that if she hadn't started up breathing she still would be okay with it because it's more a developemental milestone rather then a fetal well being marker.  She said if she hadn't started she would have just sent me for the night over to labor and delivery.  We had a long talk about me going to labor and delivery more if I felt ANY need what so ever she said she didn't care if I were there daily and wouldn't blame me at all.  I haven't been there since 24 weeks for the preterm labor.  So this week I am going to focus hard on kick counts and averages and if any movement is not made during a hour or so I will just head in for a BPP and NST in labor and delivery to make sure things are all on the up and up.  I joked and told her that they would be wheeling a fully grey haired lady in a fashionable straight jacket to the OR on c-section date.  I just am praying and hoping god and all my angels are leading me and the team of doctors I have in the right direction and please god don't let me make any bad choices that I will regret later.  Cause I will tell you regret is the ugliest feeling in this world when it comes to the grief world.  I think about the days before Delanie even though she showed no signs to me.  She moved well enough not to go in.  I simply went to sleep with a live baby and awoke with my child gone from me.  Which I think in a way it makes it even worse.  How do I prevent that?  Each night I go to sleep loving her even more knowing tomorrow is never promised its only given when you open your eyes reach your hand down and feel that magic movement and pick your heart up off the floor when you finally get the kick or punch of the morning.  Luck for me she usually wakes mommy up so I don't have to wait and have that heart drop feeling.  She is a wonderful baby to have as a rainbow.  I just hope and pray lord please let this pay off for us and please keep her safe and with us.  I pray that if something should go crazy let my water break or her be born before anything.  I would rather take care of a preemie then go home empty handed again and broken hearted.  She is still kicking away right now letting me know hey mom I am sorry I was just kidding about earlier but I still plan to torture her a little extra during her teenage years as pay back.  Here are some pictures of the first sonogram I will post one from the second in a little bit =)

big feet lol

Doing sign language for more food please!

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