October 15th

October 15th is national perinatel and infant loss day.  How sad that this happens to much that there is a day and even a whole month to remember it.  I think about her so much it never lessens each day just the effects of it aren't as heart crushingly painful.  Thanks to time aka pain medication.  I still stick to the theory that time is like pain medication for the grieving.  Doesn't take away the pain but helps numb the effects so that you can get thru every day life and find your " new normal"  I am still thinking about the slide show and I really want to go thru with it but only with my husband's blessing.  Not sure when we will do it we haven't talked much about it.  The fetal Demise program at work is going really well and we now have a closet full of things that we can try to comfort the families with to help them in such a raw and emotional time.  I talked with the threads of love foundation today and they came in and brought me some more supplies that we needed and they were all breathtakingly beautiful!  Just seeing them make my eyes well up with pride thinking we would be putting these precious outfits on such beautiful angels.  They were priceless.  Although YES I wish there were no babies to use them on but there is and I pray for them all daily.  I wish I could take it all away from them the pain and the knowing of the path they will walk on.  I see them in the hosptial and not all the grief hits you there.  Its more the numb feeling and loss.  But the hardcore grief I beleive hits you once you are home and alone and start slowly going thru the stages of grief and loss.  I count the good things in my life to keep me afloat.  No matter how small they are.  I think I am blessed. The car didn't break down, my son's grades are good, my washer didn't break nor did any other appliances, no one got in a wreck, my pets are healthy, we have jobs, ect.  just keep counting until the negative doesn't consume you into the darkness of depression.  Take it from Dorie the fish on finding nemo...just keep swimming..lol.  Dustin lights up my life everyday and I thank god so much for him.  He keeps me sane and laughing and he is so perfect.  He is such a good big brother and talks about Delanie all the time.  He always worries about other people and his heart is so perfect.  I wonder how I was chosen to be his mother and how lucky I am to have him.  The things that come out of his mouth just amaze me.  He makes me believe that in the future the world will be better because he is in it.  He is a thin league of good hearted people it seems these days.  And god gave him to me =)  

So remember those that have earned there wings WAY to soon.  October 15th light a candle for those babies and the parents walking around with broken hearts forever missing them.