Sorry

I have been thinking about this blog daily and in my head on my way to work is I almost post daily in my head.  Weird I know LOL I talk to myself as if I am writing in the blog and saying out loud how I feel and the still unusualness (if even a word) of the path that I am on and leading.  I feel sometimes in this blog I talk about loss and Delanie to much and I think people might be sitting back and thinking GOD woman get over it.  But then I remind myself this is my blog and people who come here choose to and can very well choose not to.  Either way it helps calm madness in my brain.  I do want to do more daily family posts as well.  I plan on decorating the christmas tree with Dustin and John today and also the house.  Much later this year we usually have it done by now.  To tell you the truth I have not been in the holiday season.  Thanksgiving I spent alone but it is really what I preferred and I was fine with it.  I was sick and nursing a cold and did not want to get anyone else sick.  But I think really it was what was best for me in truth.  I think it eased alot of pain.  So thanksgiving wasn't bad but for some reason I think Christmas will be.  Christmas last year was so much fun and we had announced what sex of the baby we were having and her wonderful well thought out name.  A strong beautiful name that we picked perfectly.  It was a beautiful time and beautiful moments that I am so very happy we got to share.  This little baby brought so much happy moments in her short life and I treasure them.  I just sometimes want to rewind to the moment of those and just suck up every oz of happiness and love and warmth and really relish those moments that at the time I didn't realize how exactly precious they were.  Losing Delanie has taught me many valuable lessons in life.  How to treasure things a little more and take in the senses of each moment.  How to help others thru this crazy path of pain and grief.  How to help them treasure what they have left.  I still stick to my faithful saying to Delanie "if I could choose again, I would still choose you".  I am blessed.  I am very blessed with the LOVE of my life and the most wonderful father in the world and my VERY healthy miracle child Dustin and my very beautiful personal angel.  I am very blessed to have the chance to be a mother to two beautiful children.  My boy and my girl <3  To have the wonderful family I do.  I love my parents all sets.  Even my Kookie mother and her silly ways.  My MIL for her wonderful wisdom and unwavering love and support.  I am blessed.  I have much more then others.  Count your blessings as small as they are each day because the negatives will drown you fast.