How I have dreaded this day for so many reasons and the emotions have come in waves throughout the day. Some good some bad some calm some racing none ever really the same. I really did not know what to expect today after all there is no handbook to losing a child then a second edition on life afterwards. Through out the day each emotion changed and all I wanted to do was be close to John and outside. Being outdoors calms both John and I. When we are working in the yard bringing beauty and growing things to life that is when we feel closest to her. It doesn't even have to be in her garden's just outside working in the dirt with love, sweat and tears. Dear friends have felt our need for that and have been so sweet to give Delanie and us many outside gifts. My heart is happy that on her birthday we did unwrap gifts of love they were meant for her and for our comfort and they were much needed and greatly appreciated. We spent most of the day at nurseries around New Braunfels and even all the way up in Kyle we drove and drove it helped. We held hands and hugged alot shared silent smiles and thoughts. Sometimes the feelings seem so fresh like her death was just yesterday the feeling of being in the room of holding her close and all the rush of emotions of that evening and day seem to be sneaking into my mind. I remember that night with the pain SO intense if I could just fast forward a year from now and maybe the pain won't be so bad. And yes the pain is still as bad but I am stronger and grow stronger each day in tolerance of this chronic pain suffered by all parents of loss. This weekend I will be making posts on here with pictures and different things all for Delanie so stay tuned her birthday is all weekend long I will be posting updated garden pictures as well. Thank you all for your love and support and greatly needed prayers. I wish I could write more tonight and post some of the pictures I have planned but I am exhausted both emotionally and physically and am in need to try to sleep and hope and pray the nightmares stay away tonight and pray that its only sweet dreams. Wanted to share a poem my sweet friend shared with me today. Happy Birthday my love mommy and daddy and brother love you so very much Delanie Faye.
"It's my first birthday in heaven,
what a joy to partake.
My presents are flowers and rainbows
and angel food cake.
My crib is decorated with roses
And the stars that shine upon me
make everything shimmer.
The other angels are dancing and
singing me songs.
Soon Jesus will be joining me,
It won't be long.
We'll all gather and pray
for my loved ones on earth,
Who love me so much,
from the day of my birth.
You see, Birthdays in Heaven
are full of happiness and cheer.
We celebrate with our loved ones,
who proceeded us here.
Yes, Birthdays in Heaven
are wonderful and gay.
One day we will celebrate together,
for that moment, Mommy and Daddy, I pray"