Sitting here

Looking around the room that is my little bubble and has been a time before.  The bed is different my room I rearranged after Delanie passed and I spent so much time in here holding her in loving her and patting my belly I needed it to be different.  The bed faces differently I look at the window now with this long pregnancy ahead of me again.  But thankful I am here thankful I have the chance to carry another sweet little girl with full hopes of taking her home.  And just praying these sore body parts and aches and pains pay off with a lifetime of happiness and sweet smiles.  I think of the window and the rays of light that come in every morning as I watch my morning shows or play on my daily facebook routine and I think of my daughter I am carrying and why we named her middle name Raye.  Its because of those rays of lights that give us hope of a new day that give us a chance to live each day.  She is our Raye of light thru a fierce storm of grief and loss.  Not that my sweet baby girl Delanie was anything to be sad about but the loss of her sweet face and spirit was.  She will never be forgotten and this little sister does not erase the grief but gives me light to shine thru it on the worst of days.  I know I will get a chance to be with Delanie and hopefully a second life at raising her in heaven when all my work here is said and done on earth.  That at least would be my idea of heaven.  Rocking her to sleep and changing her diapers and teaching her about the world no matter which one it is.  I hope that is what god has planned for me later much later in life.  She is my first born sweet little daughter and I am sure she will have a part in our lives daily even if we don't know it.  I pray to her just like I do to god each night.  I ask her to please keep her brother and sister in her prayers to keep them both safe and watch over them.