So the 40 week count down has ended. I am kind of relieved this is the last "countdown" day? I know it sounds weird but people who have been in the situation know what I mean. When you are grieving seems like you are forever counting. Its been 2 months since I gave birth to my forever angel. You count each week saying oh I would be doing this or would be doing that or would look like this. She would be 2-3 weeks old already because she was scheduled to be born May 19th via scheduled c-section. That day I think was harder. Today I think will be less. It is just sad because again I feel like it is the ending of something. Not sure what just feels that way. I plan to stay busy and keep myself working on the house and playing with Dustin and being a good mother to him. We had so much fun last night he is warn out this morning and still sleeping. We played in the water for a few hours outside again he thought he was helping water....LOL If he was a plant then that would surely be the case. Then we came in and changed clothes showered and ate dinner. We read books on the porch in Pj's for a little while then came in and cuddled. Stayed pretty busy and sleep came easy. This morning I awoke to a nightmare of something happening to Dustin he was getting bit by a snake I was trying to lift him up fast enough but wasn't strong enough. The snake had scratched him he turned into a two year old again after the bite and I was running with him trying to scream for help over and over I kept saying please don't let anything happen to him he is all I have left. I woke up then and realized I might have some fear for Dustin on some level. Crazy how your mind plays tricks on you. But I have always feared for him that is my job I am mom. I have always known how special he is and how wanted and hard work he was. I know he was a gift. Now just to hold him and get thru today....
Look at my beautiful angels face a little longer....
No comments:
Post a Comment