just keep swimming....

Work has been good.  Has its trials every now and then but overall good.  I missed my friends and missed my work and love for caring for patients and their babies.  None of those babies make me sad.  I am happy they are there.  None of them are mine and can't take away the pain or even make it feel better so that isn't a issue.  The baby I want is not there she is in heaven so there is no searching or aching when I see one.  It has been a pretty good week.  I am getting ready to head in for my third and last day for this week and will be off to recoop for the weekend with my loving family.  Really tired as sleep has not come easy for awhile now.  I have no idea why nightmares come in go in waves you can go so long without them and then BAM they hit you again.  So I am waiting for the next wave when they leave so hopefully I can rest a full night again.  Really exhausted!  I am sorry this is so short but wanted to post a quick update before heading out.  Thank you for praying for me everyone it must be working because I am not dieing inside like I thought I would be before.  I just think of this whole grief process as a long swim and you have to keep your head above water and it is a tiring task but one you must do.  Then Dori from the finding nemo pops in my head "just keep swimming"  in her little hum. LOL  So off I go to swim!