Hard day

There is no reason why and no warning to a hard day emotionally at times.  Just today really sucks.  Yesterday was no pie either so I am guessing it is just a build up of events and the whole returning back to work.  I know it is for the best for me to be back there and happy to have my friends back and life is better with them in it.  But no matter where no matter what it is a task is still a task.  Sometimes I think grief is like walking around carring a extra hundred pounds on your back and it is exhausting getting thru things.  Now don't get me wrong it isn't always so hard and there are many good times and there are times that are easier to breath then others but then there are times and days where you fake smile a little more and trying to come up with small talk takes a little more out of you.  No I don't need anyone to call me right now and no there is nothing anyone can do.  It is just a wave that needs to pass like all the others.  I am angry and tired and the battle is never going to have a end just peace inbetween blows.  I think alot of it is also father's day coming up.  It hurts just like mother's day because all the hopes and dreams I had for John finally being able to experiance being a father to a adorable little girl.  Which yes I know he is one to a adorable angel but one that he could hold hands and love on Father's day.  One I would make a little foot imprint on his card for her signature.  Life just sucks today my friend that is the only way I can truly sum it up....