Monday, June 6, 2011

Two months

I can't believe it has been 2 months since our worlds were forever changed.  It seems like it was so long ago in one hand since so much change has evolved in our lives from her loss.  Then on the other hand it seems like it was just yesterday that I was rubbing my belly and playing in her sweet room imagining rocking my baby by her window softly in the morning sun.  I still feel like it was just the other day I was going thru her stuff having the time of my life arranging socks and picking outfits for her first week of life.  I wish I could go back to those blissful moments just for a breif time for that light hearted feeling.  Now I hold this heavy heart saturated with tears and worrys and what if's.  I can't believe that right now she would just be leaving the room where we would have spent over 4 hours with her just loving her and holding her and kissing her sweet face and looking at her and realizing the crushing thought of all that we had planned for her stopped with the last beat of her precious little heart.  I even wish I could go back to that moment though it hurt more then any moment I have ever gone thru because she was in my arms as it happened.  But I know that is not something that is possible.  But yes I do know that one day I will get all my beautiful moments with my sweet Delanie I will hold her and rock her and feel her warmth and watch her eyes open with life.  I know this will happen.  Until then I will live for her and breath for her and hope that I make her proud.  I will share her story and talk about her and whisper her name each morning and each night telling her good morning and goodnight my angel.  I will keep her alive.  I won't forget her.  I will love her always.  I will stare at her beautiful pictures and change her flowers weekly and tend to her garden and sit in her room.  I will heal.  I am happy to show everyone her sweet face I am happy everyone can see that she was real and she was sweet and beautiful and yes she looked everything like her father and brother and yes I only got a pinky toe in the deal....But she makes me smile.  She makes my heart and mind open in ways it never has before and for that I am grateful.  I will never know all that she has changed in this world with her small presence.  But I will beleive it. Happy 2 months my sweet faced angel.  Mommy and Daddy and brother love you...

1 comment:

  1. I know in my heart, she is so very proud of you every day. One day, no more longing or pain. No tears, no sadness...just joy. I am waiting for that day eagerly. Love you guys!