Need to catch up!

My week has been hectic!  I go back to work Sunday and it is that time of year for alot of Dustin's yearly check up' s with all his specialist.  So I will break it down by day!

Monday (memorial day) We did a lot of cleaning and trying to get the house a little more organized.  We cleaned Dustin's room with team work (Dustin and I) while daddy was at work.  We organized it and got rid of some little boy things to make room for BIG boy things.  He was a really big help and I was really proud of him for getting rid of a lot of toys and items that were to small for him.  We are taking them to goodwill later today.  Fun thing Monday we got to meet Daddy for lunch and we got mommy a new phone!  My phone has been shutting off by itself lately and just been crappy it is over 2 years old though.  We switched services from Sprint to AT&T they had a better value and got a iPhone super cheap and a discounted plan through my work.  Awesome =)

Tuesday Dustin and I went to the library and signed up for their summer reading program and got some books to study and work on.  Then we went to the park and for those of you that have my facebook you know I went on a rant about some bad mannered children there on a field trip!  I actually contacted the school after I got back home because YES they were that ill mannered and no supervision whatsoever.  We looked for a long time Dustin and I to find a teacher and NEVER saw one once.  Crazy right?  Then Aunt Kimmy came for lunch and we went to the tea room in Gruene it was awesome as always.  Then we took Dustin to the cupcakery in Gruene and Dustin split a cupcake with mommy =0)  Then we came back to the house and played and relaxed from the hot weather!

Wed- This day was hard on my grief wise and I didn't expect it to be.  Again grief has no handbook or manual and the things you think will bother you don't and the ones that do hit you from left field out of no where at times.  Most of the time it is simple things.  HARD DAY.  Dustin had a cardiology appointment as he does every year in May-June time.  His appointment went great of course and everything came out PERFECT for him.  But during his echo I had a moment as I saw the doctor preform the echo which is a sonogram of the heart I looked at the beating heart pumping away on the screen and realized the last time I saw this type of screen the heart was my daughters and it was not pumping...it was a still empty pear shaped orb with no life to it.  I saw it a few times through out that horrible day.  I remember willing it to just start beating again and I swore to myself if I saw it just blink one time I would find the nearest sharp object and cut her out of my belly myself and start NRP (newborn CPR) on her right away bleeding out or not.  But that heroing moment would not happen.  I looked down on my son on the other hand and thanked god his heart was so strong and counted that blessing.  Looked at him the baby who was not supposed to survive the little one pound baby who had his first surgery at less then a week old and listened to the sound of his heart and closed my eyes and thanked god once more.  I miss Delanie but I am also thankful for my blessings at the same time.  It's a hard thing to be sometimes.  Then the evening time was all about my niece Emerald she graduated from highschool and we had to go to her graduation which Dustin was excited about.  In front of us was a group of people cheering for their graduate and of course what would her name be?  Delanie.....Then I looked onto the stage and realized my Delanie's name would never be called onto that stage and I would never have that moment with her.  One of many that were stolen from us.  Shook my head and then again took a moment to count my many blessings that I had a niece healthy and walking across that stage with her beautiful smile on her face.  She is such a beauty and such a creative wonderful blessing.  I have 4 more nieces to watch take that walk and a wonderful son.  Count your blessings Holly or you will drown.  

Thursday Woke up and got dressed cleaned house and then drove to my work to meet with my boss about going back to work and just coming up with a clear plan of when and what I would be doing and also to get my passwords redone.  It was nice to be back at work with my work family and seeing familar loving faces.  It got me excited to come back and almost not wanting to leave.  But we had to because Dustin had another appointment with his eye doctor after.  We also wanted to meet his grandparents for lunch.  We went to the eye doctor and waited for so long.  He had to get his eyes dilated even though I feel bad because he has to go to a retinologist later this month and will have to be dilated again for him.  Dustin's left eye which he has had more trouble with in life.  That is the eye with scar tissue and cornea issues.  It is also weaker in muscle control so now we will have to be doing exersizes with Dustin thru out the day to help.  When it loses control it is right at reading distance (about 12 inches from face) so that may be why he is having reading trouble in school. It is really obvious and I don't know why I haven't noticed it before.  The doctor would have Dustin focus on a object and bring it forward to his face slowly with him focused and about 12 inch range his left eye would shoot to the side.  Poor kid can't he get a break.  Again counted my blessings because it could have been worse he was almost blind with ROP until yet again another surgery saved him.  So blessings count them don't drown!

Friday still to be determined.....lol