Thursday, March 3, 2011

Controlling fustration.....

That has been the name of my game the past two days....I am getting so fustrated from the aches and pains of laying in bed constantly.  I think it would be easier if you were sick and felt really bad but when you yourself feel good besides all the pregnancy woes it's harder.  Your body aches constantly and I am constantly fearing of bedsores and muscle breakdown.  But I KNOW what it's for and the feeling of each graduating week towards term is a wonderful reward.  I know I will look back on this and think of it as a dream and forget about all the aches and pains and woes to it.  I know I will feel better once I hold her and love on her and see me and John in her little face.  It's just hard now!  I just want to scream at times and get up and go to the fridge and get a drink instead of waiting for people to walk by or ask them.  I am the nurse!  I am the one that takes care of everyone and does everything for myself.  I think that part of me makes it slightly harder to deal with.  I however do sit back and count my blessings each night or when I get so upset I just want to scream I think of all the wonderful things in my life.  For one I have the world's most wonderful husband he constantly is trying to please me and bring me food and drinks that are different or surprises and he massages my sore muscles and does all the grocery shopping, caring for Dustin, caring for the animals and house.  He is doing for the both of us and working a full time job and side jobs to boot.  I think if people could look into his heart they would see that of a saint.  I just love him so much when things are down he has risen.  My mother is wonderful and has been here for almost 8 weeks now serving me daily and keeping up all that she can.  My sister has been busy with Delanie's room and brings us surprise lunches all the time.  My mother and father in law are great my mother in law has been trying to help with Dustin as much as she can working a full time job.  My father and step mother call often and brought me and Delanie some goodies this week!  And all my wonderful friends call me and try to keep up as much as possible.  I know I have it soooo much better then others.  AND I always say at least I am playing the game at least I could get pregnant at least god blessed us for just one more time and a girl at that?  Our perfect pair!  How many people in life get that lucky?  I have a wonderful job family that is happily holding down the fort for my return.  My husband has a job that provides for us and he has a wonderful work family as well that is supportive and has been for almost 8 years blessed our family.  So when you add up all the positives it just doesn't seem like to much to complain about after.  So I will keep trying to think positive and know this time last pregnancy my child was suffering outside of my belly and know that tonight at least Delanie is safe inside unhurt and growing.  I hope she doesn't feel pain in her young life like her poor brother had to go thru.  No child should ever fight to live or breath something we all take for granted.  Dustin will be 8 years old on March 9th, 2011 I look at him and his sweet little face and all I can do is whisper " thank you for fighting".  I am just praying for one more miracle just one more to complete our little family.  I  know all the pain and injections and surgeries and procedure I have gone thru and will continue to go thru will be worth it at the end.....BIG BREATH.....god loves us and my kids are fighters.

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