Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Happy Birthday to my first born!

It seems so weird to think 8 years ago my baby would be born.  I was trying to wrap my mind around that they told me he actually had a chance to survive.  No one told me until the middle of the night about 3-4 hours before the birth that he actually had a shot.  We had never really heard or delt with premature babies being born before nor that they actually lived especially just at 25 weeks gestation.  I was so sick it was hard to grasp my mind around anything my kidneys and liver had already shut down and I was a nasty shade of yellow from the liver failure.  My blood pressure was a high 200/140 at one time and I was feeling the effects.  They came in that night and told us to rest and Dustin would be born within the next 5 hours.  How do you rest?  We picked out his name Dustin after we read the meaning in the book it meant "little warrior" he needed that name.  I remember rubbing my belly wondering if I would be saying hello or goodbye in the next hours of the day.  My brain so foggy it was even worse because of all the meds they had me on.  Trying to grasp reality so I could remember the first and maybe the last moments of my first born son's life.  They wheeled me into the OR I remember them talking about my BP being unstable and they needed to hurry.  I remember waiting and looking over at my husband and he looked scared and he never did.  I remember a weird shade of white over him.  Then I heard it....a little cat in the OR...nope it was Dustin!  Sounded like little meowing!  They were shocked he was actually trying to cry.  He was tubed and rushed out right away.  After that I remember shortly being in recovery and different family members coming in sad and crying.  I remember the transport team coming in for a second with loads of machines and letting me peak at the little speck in the incubator and telling me that he was leaving right away to get help.  I told them to leave right now and get him to were he needed to be fast that I would see him soon but I was to scared of taking to much precious time when he needed bigger help.  After that my health took a turn for the worse and I remember waking up sometime around 4 am in restraints and on meds and wires.  No one was in my room and I just layed there until finally a nurse came in and saw me peaking my eyes open.  She helped me to call the hospital to check on my son which was hard to do cause all the lights had to be off.  They told me he was still alive and they would talk to me more when I was more stable.  Later the same day when I was more stable the journey of getting my son to survive seemed to start.  I talked with them more and more on the phone and then managed to get my doctor to let me out a few days early so that I could finally be with my son and touch him.  The next few months were such a rollercoaster one day thinking its goodbye the next its forever.  It was the hardest but most rewarding days of my life.  I think god EVERYDAY for letting me have Dustin.  He was 1 pound 5 oz and 12 inches long and a fighter!  He surpassed everyone's expectations being one of their longest patients on the high frequency ventilator.  He would keep beating all odds and turn into the wonderful boy I love today!   I love you son thank you for fighting!!

My big 8 year old boy!
Dustin Tyler 1 pound 5 oz 12 inches long
My fighter
Mommy loves you forever and always!

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