Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Surreal moment....

WOW I am 28 weeks today!  I can't believe I am 7 months pregnant and in the third trimester.  Something I have never gotten to experiance before.  It's just I am a little awe struck by it and actually wondering Can I make it all the way?  It kind of seems like I might?  I mean it's not as far away from my grasp now.  What if I go all the way and I actually have my dream day with a baby in my arms after birth?  Even if that doesn't happen I still have made huge goals to keep baby at least safer.  I think of the things I might not have to deal with even at 28 weeks like maybe even no vent time.  Dustin was on the vent so long they thought he would never get off.  He was so weak and I felt so bad he went thru so much pain and at least this one won't go thru as much as her poor brother had to.  I worry about delivering early for so many reasons but mostly is people don't realize how very much Delanie means to Dustin and that she is HIS baby!  I am sad because if born early he will have to wait to meet his sister until she is released.  Which could be around her duedate if born early.  I think that would crush him.  He loves my belly everyday and talks and reads to her and we let him know she is his sister his other partner in life that will always share blood and memories.  He is the reason why we braved and tried again.  Hearing your little boy say he was lonely is just heartbreaking.  So we sucked it up and took a leap of faith with many boundries in the middle but we made it thru.  I am glad we tried again look how far we have already come??  Imagine if we had never given it a shot?  All the what if's in life?  I have always felt there was that hole in our family all though they were more then enough and I have the best little family in the world with two men that hover over me one small one big fighting to hold my hand and give me good night kisses.  I just felt there was always room and a place for one more.  There is always that third bedroom in a house that seems so empty when the rest are full of sleeping heads.  There was that empty room that needed to be filled with a beating heart and dreaming head.  I know life will be balanced and good from this moment on.  We will be a family of four after all !!  On to nothing but good times!

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