Mother's day

Not sure about it still feeling gloomy about the whole day but not to sure if it is because it was just another marker towards Delanie's planned birthday.  I was really looking forward to it this year and now not so much more like dreading it.  I need to go buy gifts for everyone but I just don't want to because it is sad to me and just no desire but I want to make people happy it isn't that I don't want to make them happy it's just I am miserable and sometimes shopping alone or for certain things is torture on some days.  Other days it can be totally fine.  It's that roller coaster again.  Wonder when I can ever get off that ride.  Part of me on that day wants to just stay in bed away from everyone and then part of me is not that way.  Wondering if it will always be this confusing.  Coming from a control freak this is hard to deal with.  I have my list of stuff that I should be doing but I am not wanting to do anything today not really motivated and I am thinking I overdid it WAY to much this weekend.  I am tired but dreaming has been troublesome again lately.  The cold weather isn't helping my motivation needs today either.  Hopefully I can pull some stuff together soon.  I need to call my boss soon and I need to go into Delanie's room but neither of those things are going to be done today just not today I think I am taking this day to be a bum and to do a few chores here and there and mope around the house until my son and John can come home.  I hate this weather normally I would go outside for some energy.