Sunday, May 15, 2011

Trip to the coast and tomorrow

This weekend John and I took Dustin to the coast for some family time.  John's bosses were so nice to us to let us have their beach house all to ourselves it was a great thing for healing and some relaxing moments.  You can almost pretend you were in another life.  Was nice to get away but my mind was never far from reality though I pretended to be far away from it.  I realized this weekend just how often I really do think of my daughter even when in a way I am trying not to almost.  We did have fun and fished and loved one another.  We were goofy and laughed and teased and played.  We did all the things a good family does.  We took away alot of nice memories and smiles.  Dustin and John needed the time for sure.  I finally got to stick my toes in the sand =)  Something I have been talking about since I got put on bed rest with Delanie January 9th.  But it was also a sad moment cause I remember thinking when I got the chance to do that I would be holding my little girl in my arms.  It turned out to be a very empty moment.  What was more fuller was watching Dustin running on the beach with his no fear outlook on life dodging waves and laughing loudly and asking his daddy to watch all his moves.  They are my life and I love them both dearly.  We never strayed to far from thinking of our daughter though and wrote her name in the sand to let her know maybe in a way.  Tomorrow will be a hard day please pray for us.  We go to the results appointment for mine and Delanie's blood work.  I am not sure how I will feel and if I want results or not.  It is just one more thing on the grief checklist to go thru and one more thing you just won't know how you will feel until you get there and get through it.  This whole process you never know how you will feel until you get to that point or venture.  Tuesday then is my 6 weeks postpartum check up.  John is off this whole week on vacation.  A vacation that would have been meant for the birth of our daughter on Thursday.  She would have been here this week and instead I feel like I am coming to the end of her in a way with the last of the check up and then shortly returning back to work.  Life will be at a new normal but old normal routine again.  I just wonder what life will hold in store for us over the next few months and even just a year from now where will we be?

Here are a few pictures from this weekend <3

At last......

We love you

Dustin and the red fish <3

Dustin playing in the water

Part of my heart

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