Friday, May 6, 2011

Things that help or not...

Got this from one of my grief boards and changed and did it more to me.  I figure this might help some of my family deal with me a little more easier.  I know some it does not pertain to friends as I am still not talking to many people but I thought this would help for the future and the family that I am talking to and some friends.

What Helps:

Acknowledge my child always because she did exist and was very real and wonderful don't avoid talking about her it doesn't hurt me it helps.  It's when you act like she was never there that I get upset.

Treat me as you did before.  Laugh and joke with me because that part of me has not changed.

Ask to see my child's picture(s) if I am not ready to show them to you I won't.

Let me cry and be depressed on certain days

Rather than saying, "Call me if you need me," make an effort to call me. If I don't feel like talking, please call back later or don't get upset if I don't answer.

Do something to help me get through the day -- ask me to lunch, shopping, or go for a walk with me.  Understand though when I say no thank you because some days are just harder and sometimes I do want to be alone.  This is a rollercoaster ride of emotions that can change from one minute to the next.


What's Not Helpful:

Avoiding me

Not calling because you don't know what to say.  Ignoring me not taking time for me when I need some time the most.  Taking just one day for me would be nice. (directed to someone) 

Changing the subject when I bring up my lost child.

Telling me that this is just nature's/God's way or everything happens for a reason. Or something must have been wrong with her, no nothing was wrong she was perfect it just happened I have accepted that. 

Asking me How are you?  Do you really want to know?

Comparing my loss to the stress you're having with something mundane.  Then complaining about it infront of me. 

Telling me that it's better that this happened now than later.

Hiding things from me because you think they will bother me.  I am a big girl I have been thru the worst of life.  Or just ask me I will let you know.

Don't Assume:

Anything really just ask me!

Because I will return to work or seem to have go back to my old routine that I am "over it." I will never be over it there is a hole in my heart there forever.

That I do not want to talk about my child, after all, they are my child.



1 comment:

  1. You read my mind, I thought about posting something similar on my blog from a website I read. I just told my husband today I feel like people are avoiding me.