Last night

Was a harder night.  I have double mastitis so very painful and the flu like symptoms started last night aswell.  Fever and nausua and body aches not to mention the breast pain.  Fever broke around 3am hoping it stays away.  Waiting for the doctor's office to open soon so I can be looked at and also get my staples removed.  I looked at her pictures this morning after everyone left and I was by myself in the bedroom sitting on the bed.  Loaded the pictures on my laptop and turned away until they were done loading.  Looked up and saw her after they were done.  She looked everything like her daddy and so perfect.  Looked like a smaller term baby just sleeping softly.  She did look so peaceful.  I am going to try to find someone to edit her pictures and make them black and white and airbrush them too.  I will work on that later this week.  I am waiting for a email from the funeral home to see if they approved our urn design today.  I am hoping they do.  Going to take the rest of my progesterone injections to the doctor's office to give to someone else if they can't afford them.  Hopefully at least that baby will be born alive and healthy and pink and crying into the world.  Just waiting for the it gets easier over time part but then when it does get easier does that mean she doesn't mean as much to you.  I feel guilty doing everyday stuff or even smiling cause I should be in bed screaming out her name and crying all day cause she meant that much.  So many mixed emotions to go thru.  Will post more later after the doctors appt exhausted right now.