Sunday, April 10, 2011


Woke up this morning to two infected breasts...thank you so much.  I called the doctor and I can stay home until the fever gets above 100.4 and rotate ice packs and she called in a antibiotic and I will be seen in the office tomorrow.  I think someone hates me.  We are trying to find sage tea it is supposed to help you dry up.  John is out right now buying it and buying a couple editions of the paper with our daughter in it.  I am so tired but do not want to sleep dreams can be cruel.  I am thinking its been 4 days just 4 days.  I never got up the courage or strength to look at her pictures last night.  I might try that today.  We will just wait and see.  I still haven't talked to anyone but I know I might start soon.  John will go back to work tomorrow.  I will be alone and life will start to almost turn again in this house.  Dustin will go back to school.  Everyone back at work except me for 6 more weeks.  I will need that time though.  We went the HEB earlier its hard every pregnant woman I see I wonder if there baby is alive and doing well and I wonder if they were due on the same date.  There is part of me that doesn't want to go back to work until after my due date just because I would read on the chart and relaize that could be my baby.  I will work that out later.  I will just have to suck it up because they have already suffered long enough at my expense at work because they wanted me to have a baby and I didn't even get that for all their troubles.  I just feel as if I let everyone down and my body is always working against me one way or another. 

1 comment:

  1. You poor thing. If I were in your spot, I would feel the same way Holly. Just know, you are not hated, but loved very much. This is such an unfair, awful time for you and your family. There are no words that can comfort at a time like this. Time may help a little... Your family has been in or thoughts and prayers so much these past few days. I'm sending you so much love. You didn't let anyone down, but I know you can't help but think you did...let God's love hold you tight now...YOU AND JOHN AND DUSTIN BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER. You all need each other. We love you all! God bless you guys in this time of need.

    Andrea, Ryan, Anika and Celeste Tinney