mastitis

Woke up this morning to two infected breasts...thank you so much.  I called the doctor and I can stay home until the fever gets above 100.4 and rotate ice packs and she called in a antibiotic and I will be seen in the office tomorrow.  I think someone hates me.  We are trying to find sage tea it is supposed to help you dry up.  John is out right now buying it and buying a couple editions of the paper with our daughter in it.  I am so tired but do not want to sleep dreams can be cruel.  I am thinking its been 4 days just 4 days.  I never got up the courage or strength to look at her pictures last night.  I might try that today.  We will just wait and see.  I still haven't talked to anyone but I know I might start soon.  John will go back to work tomorrow.  I will be alone and life will start to almost turn again in this house.  Dustin will go back to school.  Everyone back at work except me for 6 more weeks.  I will need that time though.  We went the HEB earlier its hard every pregnant woman I see I wonder if there baby is alive and doing well and I wonder if they were due on the same date.  There is part of me that doesn't want to go back to work until after my due date just because I would read on the chart and relaize that could be my baby.  I will work that out later.  I will just have to suck it up because they have already suffered long enough at my expense at work because they wanted me to have a baby and I didn't even get that for all their troubles.  I just feel as if I let everyone down and my body is always working against me one way or another.