Saturday, April 30, 2011

April is over...

Like I have said before it is weird what bothers you and what doesn't tomorrow the month of April is over.  The month I started off so very happy with all my dreams coming true and ended with heartache and sorrow.  If only I had of known what was coming.  Its like being hit with a mack truck really.  Smiles one day and gut wrenching pain the next.  Weird really wasn't even a day in the difference just a matter of hours.  Wake up happy and go to bed that night dieing inside.  Although I have been thinking of this all day we did have a wonderful family day John, Dustin and I.  We drove to our hearts content we went all the way to Pertinales(spelling) Texas state park and then we still wanted to go more so we drove to Lake Travis we just kept going and going.  It felt good to watch Dustin and John play in the water and smile and laugh at one another but even though I was there I kept drifting off to other places thinking of my daughter and how if she was here we wouldn't be here because we would be at home enjoying her.  I found myself constantly looking and watching for butterflies and staring at clouds.  I saw little girls with little bathing suits and wondered if I would ever have another chance at putting a little girl of our own in one.  I watched Dustin sleeping in the truck after a long day and came to a startling relaziation that Delanie looks just like him when he is sleeping.  It shocked me when I first looked back looking at his face so relaxed and soft.  It was so much like her's was.  I took a picture of my sleeping son he is so perfect breathing softly.  I thanked god for him and looked at his father and thanked god for him also.  Then there is one more missing family member.  She will always be missing I will always be wondering what she would look like every year every day with her little facial features changing.  What would she look like now...what would she look like in a year?  I will never know and that is a hard cold fact to deal with but its what we are left with.  Count our blessings and miss the ones we have lost.  Goodbye April 

Here are some pictures 
I am obsessed with holding hands pictures

My love


holding on tight

He had so much fun

Still thinking of you Delanie


  1. It was a lovely day for a road trip.....(((hugs))) <3<3 Dustin is so sweet!!

  2. These are great photos! I agree, I love holding hand photos!

  3. Isn't it hard to sit there and think of every moment leading right up to your life changing event. Like maybe there was some hint or sign you missed that was telling you this was going to happen. Or somehow you had an ability to know this was going to happen to try and avoid it or take precautions. And it's just so thought provoking when you think that your life can change in mere seconds....while some people can prepare. But either way you slice it, the pain is all the same. So glad you three had a fun day! You guys really deserve it!