Thursday, April 28, 2011

Skipped a day...

Yesterday was another day constantly pushing didn't want to stop.  I knew when I went to bed on Tuesday night what Wed. would bring another angel birthday marker, it has been 3 weeks since Delanie's birth.  Had a good time with a friend yesterday kept me busy and had to go to the dentist.  Then John and everyone made me go to a spurs game which I am glad I went because it was a different experiance and alot of fun.  I was so tired afterwards sleep came easy on a hard night.  Was hard being away from Dustin for a night but I will see him soon when I can pick him up from school soon.  People have been so kind and helping to us and I don't really know how to show them or give them something in return besides simple thank you's it is like your emotion wells have gone dry sometimes.  Really you are in your head screaming inside thank you sooo much for the card or gift but it doesn't show in your emotions all the time even though their kindness takes your breath away and makes things a little more bearable in life.  So many people have shown us love and understanding and we do so appreciate it.  Most people know how badly and how hard we worked for Delanie and to only have it come crashing down is very hard on the heart.  But we are fighter's in our family we have been thru alot in life.  We will pick ourselves up together and change for the better and make our way back to our path we have been knocked off.  We will still count our blessings and be happy for what we have but mourn what we could have too.  Just need to get stronger....such a simple word but so much work involved in it.  I did one thing today on my list I went to walgreens and printed out many of her pictures I will pick them up soon and look at them again prolly cry a little but then dry my eyes and pick up Dustin and try to spend some happy moments to heal a bit more.  I wish I could see in a crystal ball to see what life has in store for us and what heaven will be like after.  I think about that alot and pray for god to please let me hold Delanie and feel her warmth and her eyes open and listen to her heart beating when I do leave this world hopefully when I am old and gray.   That is something to look forward too much later in life what a sight and feeling that would be <3

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