Saturday, April 9, 2011


Well to my surprise I checked the online version of the paper tonight and there was my sweet daughter's name.  Was hard to see it in black and white.  Seemed to simple to be special but then again what obituary is.  I still have not viewed her pictures although I want to I just don't know when I will be ready to.  Have felt lost all day today not knowing what to do or where to go.  I don't really remember how to just live like I did before bedrest and before her.  I think about the big 2 story building downtown holding my daughter's body in it.  Knowing she is so close but I know that is not her.  But it feels weird having a piece of your family unit missing as the rest of you all lay so close and near.  I wish I could rewind time.  I wish I could feel her one more time.  I wish I could kiss her warm face again.  I wish I could have changed things.  I have things and causes running thru my head now.  A list about a mile long.  I feel guilty for being out in the world.  I feel guilty for laughing.  I feel guilty for leaving her behind and moving on with life.  Not like she never exsisted but just without her.  Without mourning her every second of the day.  Things are getting final with all her arrangements and with that I guess comes closure.  We won't have anything left to do for her but remember.  That is hard aswell.  We have decided to make her a garden and plant a tree that blossums pink and have alot of plans for everything else in it.  I want to attract alot of butterflies since I did alot of her stuff in pretty butterflies cause she was my little butterfly.  

Her online obit 

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